Never good enough

So I was reading a book and this was what I saw.

And I thought: "This is how I actually think about myself every single day." Which girl is not afraid of being fat or being ugly?

Whenever I look at my reflection, I think to myself, "Why am I so fat?", "Ewww. My thighs, arms and stomach so flabby." and "I'm so damn ugly." And people keep saying, "Where got sia? You so skinny already. You fat then I what sia?" Sigh. I just think damn lowly of myself luh. I just can't bring myself to say positive things to myself when I know that there are prettier and skinnier girls out there. I'm never good enough for anyone.

What's worse, society judges. It's like you don't fit in? Nobody wants to be your friend. Who doesn't judge? But in the end, who are we to judge? Some people judge people without reflecting on themselves first. That, it really pisses me off.

*Rant alert* SO YOU THINK YOU BETTER THAN THEM LAH? THEN NO EVIDENCE PROVE. STUPIAK ARH YOU. SAY PEOPLE THEN YOU'RE NOT ANY BETTER. LAME SIA. AT LEAST PROVE YOURSELF YOU BETTER OR SOMETHING LAH.

Being a girl is real damn hard. Avoiding good food, skipping meals, extreme exercising, having the fear of gaining weight. Overreacting over a small pimple. And many other reasons. (Because there's really too many.)

One more thing, I envy guys. SO MUCH. YOU GUYS EVERYTIME SO SKINNY. KEEP WANT TO GAIN WEIGHT BUT CAN'T. I WANT THAT KIND OF BODY THAT NO MATTER HOW MUCH I EAT, ALSO WON'T GAIN WEIGHT ONE. AND YOU ALL ALWAYS EAT SO MUCH SOMEMORE.
HAHAHA. Okay luh. I'll stop here. Bye. xx

"Be yourself" or not?

Many say to be yourself so that people like you for who you are. But many people also might not like you because of some actions you did to them. And you were being yourself. So the thing is, are we supposed to change ourselves for the better? Or just continue being yourself?

Me, being a person who treasures friendship (like a lot), I personally feel that I should change myself for the better.

I have a history of real bad attitude. So I've lost many friends which of course, made me quite depressed. I cried myself to sleep, cut myself and etc. (Note to haters: I'm not trying to attention seek here.) And so I was pretty lonely, during my lower sec years. And I was bullied. For my looks and my attitude. It sucked big time. And I was VERY paranoid. Constantly asking, "Do you hate me?" And people found me a nuisance.

So it struck me. It's time for a change. I was constantly trying to change myself so that the people around me would not dislike me. I had a really hard time changing, I must say. I don't really know why either. But so far, I think I have made a little improvement in my attitude. I mean, people still dislike some of the actions I do to them. I'm actually still changing myself. And I'm still very paranoid. Of my friends disliking me.

Nobody's perfect. We have to improve our flaws so that we can be better right? Sometimes, my insecurities just get the better of me.

Results

Woah. It has been way too long since I last blogged. Been busy studying for the exams and then was a little lazy to blog. HAHA. Cause I didn't really have anything to blog about. :/

So, the EOYs results are out and it really didn't meet my expectations. Gaaahh. I guess sometimes I'm really too damn lazy to study. Hate it when that happens.

But at least I improved some of my subjects particularly chinese and a math.
I COULDN'T BELIEVE I GOT A B3 FOR MY CHINESE OMG. I failed so badly the last time. And I improved so much ^_^ hehe.

AND I ACTUALLY GOT A B4 FOR A MATH. WTH RIGHT?! From C5 to B4. Well, its quite an improvement right? Hehe. I was 1 more mark to getting B3. JUST 1 MORE MARK. ALWAYS LIKE THAT. OH GOD WHY.

Well, lesson learnt: I shouldn't be so lazy. I should really start studying hard. And also studying smart. After all, O levels are NEXT YEAR. OMG. SCARY. Thinking about it just stresses me out :(

Till then. xoxo

Exams have ended! YAY

FINALLY. THE MOMENT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR. THE END OF YEAR EXAMINATIONS HAVE FINALLY ENDED!!! 시험이 끝났어요!! WOOOHOOO ↖(^▽^)↗ TIME TO PARTEHH!! HEH HEH. Feel so free! FREEDOM IS MINE NOW! MUHAHAHA! :D

That moment when the examinations are over and you don't know what to do with your life anymore.

You know that feeling? I do. It's like I reach home and usually think "I need to mug" but no! Instead, I will think to myself "What should I do now?" HAHA. Like literally no life anymore. Hahaha.
It's getting late already. So I guess it ends here. Goodnight! xx

P.S HAPPY BIRTHDAY FARIZAH!! 생일축하해요!! ㅋㅋㅋ ♥ Enjoy being 15 yeah? ;)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GERIS!  Hehe :3

Examinations in progress

Time really flies and the examinations has already started. So far, I've already taken 5 papers :) That means, there's only 4 more papers to go! :D heh. But, honestly, I SCREWED UP EVERY SINGLE PAPER. Apart from E Math ^^ phew. I really can't afford to screw up the other papers >< Well, I guess I have no one to blame but myself because I didn't study much. I expected myself to study for the whole month but ended up only studying the last 2 weeks. Damn. I really should stop being so lazy and procrastinate. Hate myself for being this way. Oh well. Can't rewind time anymore. I guess I have to hope for a miracle to happen that all goes well for my examinations. :) Good luck everybody! We can survive and do this! :D Gambatte! 화이팅! ;) xoxo ♥